Surgery sights

There is something about body trauma, all the energy pooling and releasing. I can feel the pain rippling and the morphine fighting against it. The calm wave of sleep and how I get swept away into numbness, only to return with a burst of euphoric dream, recovering is a rocky road. Yet here I am tied to these bones and loving it. Even the tangled web of up and down, discomfort making me so self aware that I can catch thoughts in slow motion crossing my plane of consciousness. It is a learning experience, leaving me open, vulnerable to those softer parts of myself that are usually hidden. The joy is easier to find, pits of pleasure surrounding the moments when I can lay without spikes down my sides and my incisions are raw but so beautiful. These scrawled shapes on skin, glued with bandage and tucked so delicately while they recreate themselves, my miraculous vessel mends. I am spending a balanced time between the planes, called in and out of my mind, watching my breath and what brings the most peace. It is such valuable time to spend, healing and caring for these precious days. Remembering why I am so very lucky to move forward, to experience my life fully and exponentially appreciating the suffering and the grace as one. The veil lifts enough for me to drink in the light and be with and without, I am completely renewed. The unfortunate turn of events that brings me closer to my innermost, my being, and I can’t quite speak of it or know it. It just is so fully that I can’t contain my smile despite the pain..