March 30, 2015

I am lightness. There is lightness as I examine my thoughts and find their nucleus, neutralize and then let it dissolve. They are neither good nor bad, and I am finding a touch of humor and softness to the thoughts that roll through my head. Like clouds in the brightest of blue, I am changing my focus and enjoying the vastness as opposed to the void of each individual fluff of drama. In the last 2 weeks I have committed to myself and followed through with goals like starting my fitness and nutrition program, being kinder to myself, meeting my own goals and expectations. I am judging less, smiling more, feeling at home once again in my own skin.

Upon examination, I see that I let go of the anxious part of myself that was trying to force changes that I was not ready for. Wanting to be different, without embracing what was already helpful to me in my life. All the tools exist within me, all the solutions, the best of intentions and I just had to see them. Now I feel a familiar tingle of excitement, a desire to fill the days with light and spirit. No matter what I am doing, I want to fill it with magic. Painting a book case yesterday, I felt the simplest pleasure in creating, in adding a layer and seeing a change. Opening my eyes is a continuous process, enveloping into nature is my method. I feel grounded, as I walk, I picture my legs connecting deep into the earth and my upper body spreading wide into the sky. Time does not exist.

I feel the color again, the bulbs of luminescent vibration that move around me and around people as I watch them pass. Full connection with my surroundings where ever I go. Linked into the environment and yet protected by a sphere of white light. I am much better at containing myself while at the same time giving away everything. The drained feeling is leaving. I am lightness.