February 6, 2015

I did a slow yoga session last night, by candle light with kirtan in the background. On the island of my matt, everything became clear. I shed the gunk of the day, the circular thoughts that hounded my heart and bled through my spirit. Instead, it because about the audible breath, the sweet sound of friction as my hands landed on the ground, feet pushing down. Soft awareness, holding each pose tenderly until the breath carried me to the next. The world changed, my perspective widened and I opened my eyes. This was enough to provide all the energy I had needed for the day. This hour long practice, a commitment to myself. So often during the day, I use my body and mind like a tool, something to achieve an end. When the day comes to a close, I realize that I haven’t taken the time to enjoy. To be in my body and take comfort in my abilities, and to see the parts of my being fully. I deserve to be seen fully, especially by myself. If no one else glimpses the raw, I can survive it but if I work through the days and weeks without appreciating, it is truly a loss.

My head stands have new meaning. As I support my body, I feel the purity of the balance, letting my hands relax, and the weight becomes a beautiful pressure on the crown of my head. My surroundings fade and I find focus. There is a sweet spot where the bottoms of my feet reach upward, spiraling energy out through the ceiling. It is lifting, a sensation of pulling me through, alignment on another level. I am finding the treasures within these poses. Jewels that present themselves when I am quiet enough to receive them.

Following this session, I did a meditation. Lying down on the bed with my arms at my side with a thin layer of blanket for warmth and the lights dim, I let go. Watching the vibrations in my temple, moving down my body, tingling sensations of waking without movement, the meditation spiraled into visuals. A purple eye, opening and closing, pushing light through it and circulating the light around my body. This purple light transformed into morphing variables of color, some solidifying into shapes and then sliding back into transparency. The color reminded me of a thicker density liquid dropping into water, curling around itself and then dissolving. I relaxed into images; let the vibrations encase my body until a layer of the slightest buzzing sensation wrapped my entire body. There was a calmness that I seek throughout my day, no where to go, nothing to do, and yet it’s all there. Feeling full of light.