Clusters of stars

I am glowing from my float today at Float Yxe. The experience reminds me how much I need this in my life and how much of a difference it makes to have time alone without distraction, focused inward.

The float cabin is spacious as I climb inside, I disappear into darkness and the warm welcome of buoyancy. I feel my body lift and hold softly in the water, no longer able to see the sides of the cabin, I am suspended. I spend the first 10 minutes focused on the edges of my body, the tingles and melting sensations that ripple closer and closer to my core. The colours are mostly yellow with orange rays glinting through. 

Time begins to warp and I can’t quite tell how long it has been. My thoughts stretch and fold into images, mostly about blending or melting. I keep getting immersed in the image of the water around me, like an ocean. I start to see an ocean and as my detachment from my body increases, I become the water. I am below and around, kissing edges of my own skin and extending down to the sandy bottom of crested coves. I explore this area until I come upon more life, spines of fish, jellyfish and the different textures as if my mind is a hand sliding against them. I see sharks, fins gliding against the back of my floating body. There is no fear, only a kind of awe as I try to fully get into this water and its weight.

The water changes to thick air and I am floating in space. Back to being in my body and the ocean has disappeared except for the sharks that are now apparently cosmic in nature swinging their bodies over clusters of stars. I am floating, moving slowly, picking up some noise now. It sounds like a muffled drum; I can’t tell if it is my actual heart beat or something completely fabricated by the state of mind. I have moved through layers and feel slightly removed from the cabin, like a distant memory that I keep coming back to. I find my mind imagining a cord from my belly button, slight pressure on my stomach and I feel attached to the body in the cabin and yet floating in space.

I flip through images and sensations in stretched time that feels like much longer than the 90 minutes that I spend in the tank. I see a womb; it is lit up with small moving pulses of light and I feel so safe and small. I get the sensation of shrinking and growing exponentially, one after another, becoming very tiny and then growing larger than imaginable. There is a phase of feeling constricted and like I am wishing for more space and then release. These states feel almost like a dream but with much more awareness.

I come back to the inside of the float cabin and into the music playing to gently wake me up. I move from the tank and still feel like I am floating. While showering, I focus on the water flowing down into roots, the roots grow from my feet and bring me back. It was some intense introspection and my body felt relaxed, muscles let go, legs heavy.