What if I chose to love this body, this mind, this life fully just as it is? What would happen then? A lot of the pain would stop. Starting right where I am instead of thinking of the conditions that would make it better. I can aspire, work towards, apply myself but the line is in the conditions. Assuming that it would just be better if… When I know that it wouldn’t. Even if all my conditions were met, I would still be unhappy. The seed is in the thinking that it would be better if I had something, that other thing. When happiness is in the moment, pure bliss in being without attachment to the past or future. These things I know for sure. That I have this body for now and I am going to have it for the rest of my life. Right now it is relatively healthy and capable of doing the things that I need it to do. This body is my vessel, equipped with the functions that can get me where I need to go and I can choose to express myself through my body. I can choose to love it for all that it allows me to do. I will never feel as good in my body as I do now, age wise, it only gets steeper and more difficult to do all the things that I want to do and there will come a time when I won’t be able to complete the tasks that my mind wants to do, luckily not yet. I can appreciate this body now and push it to see how magical and capable it really is. That is the amazing thing about this body, it is a masterpiece. My mind has an effect on my body just the way that my mind has an effect on all things. It is powerful but that means that I am powerful. I can use my mind for good, like a super hero, I can create my reality however I want once I believe that is what is happening, otherwise, it spins out of control and I create by defect. There was a time when I was interested in the anatomy of the body, on the inside, the physical realm of relationships between organs, between cells. I enjoyed knowing that my body was so communicative, cooperative, and maintained itself while I walked around and did all the thinking. This body is magnificent.
I also know that when I grow older, I will need to let go of this body. Maybe that is why I struggle so much in accepting it now, because I see the impermanence in all things and I prematurely am trying to let go. It doesn’t help, all things need to take their course. I will let go of my body eventually, in a process and it will be painful at times but I won’t allow myself to hate it. I have hated my body enough. I wonder how my body reacts to that emotion, to the power that a hateful thought can have on my physical realm, I know it’s power, it causes illness. When I am in alignment with my body, I feel content. It is my vessel, my clay pot, my ship and I am living in an environment with all the tools to take care of it. The necessities to tend to it and give it what it needs. I am a ghost in a machine but inextricably tied to this machine in a much more organic way. I feel my pulse and stay with the breath, carry myself to all my destinations. I can feel how it is, how the nature of my reality needs to change and I will allow this acceptance, this permeable love that is meant to be my state of being. One day, I will look at my body and know my stories and how it has served me so well and there will only be love. Only the respect that I deserve and all the compassion in the world because I deserve that too. It will shut down, I will leave it behind and I won’t be sad about it because it is part of the game, part of the cycling out of existence and I can feel full appreciation of that. While I am here though, I can see through the illusions, be in the world but not of the world. Be in my body but not of my body. I can love, accept, and nurture by being on all levels because that is the only way I can truly learn these lessons and become.