April 2, 2015

I wonder why I let it bother me so much. I can’t be perfect and striving for perfection is a quick path to suffering. I don’t remember caring this much but now it is something I deal with on a daily basis. Looking in the mirror and judging. I keep the mantra present in my head ‘don’t compare to others’ and ‘choose love’ everytime ‘choose love’. When the self-destructive thoughts start to circulate, it is getting easier to watch them. If I were to say those thoughts out loud to someone else, they would be horrified at the volatile nature of them. There needs to be more gentleness. As I see the beauty in everyone around me, I need to see it as a reflection. It is so easy to pick up the beauty of others, but so much more difficult to apply that positive noticing to myself. Thought recognition and disruption in my old patterns is what is going to make all the difference. My beliefs are constructed based on what I think I should look like, what I take in visually on a daily basis. The more tv I watch, the more ads I absorb in my consciousness, the more I compile a database of images to compare. At the core, I see my beauty, it is rippling without form. When I concentrate on that long enough, I can bring it to the surface to where my eyes can catch glimpses and it realigns my reality. I am doing this more and more until my reality shifts and I can see clearly, through the mind veils.

“I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being.”